Does Talking Actually Help?

I was having a difficult conversation with a friend of mine that was proving to be challenging for both of us as it required deep reflection and sharing of feelings. At one point my friend says that talking about their feelings actually isn’t helpful, that it just drums up old stuff, and that they would prefer to process it alone. They also claimed that this was probably gender specific (they identify as male).

Now, I have a cis-gender male husband who very much processes his feelings out loud. It’s how he makes sense of the world. In fact, we commonly joke that when he speaks it’s really just brain to mouth with no processing time in the middle. But I do recognize that this is not super common with most men. It’s something we all commonly know now that men have been taught to use “anger” to express their emotions, so they haven’t necessarily been supported in their journey to understanding their emotions the way female identifying persons have.

Though, I don’t think that’s necessarily what my friend was touching upon. I think they were expressing their beliefs that not everyone would benefit from verbal processing through things like therapy and coaching. 

Now, as a life coach myself, I am sure you can understand my stance on this…I think what he said is, well, bullshit. 

I have seen from personal experience and heard from others how beneficial having conversations about our feelings and thoughts are. At its most helpful, you can come to a huge realization you otherwise wouldn’t have without outside perspective, and that could potentially change the entire outcome of the rest of your life. At its basic level? You’re seen by someone. Maybe even understood. And as I’m sure you all have experienced at some point, just knowing someone else has gone through a similar experience like yours can help your ability to process and handle it so much better because you know you are not alone.

Even having a conversation about something completely unrelated to what ails you can offer the opportunity for something new to arise. A new thought, a new belief, a seed planted.

So, as much as I will honor my friend and their desire not to share, I simply do not believe this is the most helpful way to live. It feels isolating and counterproductive. 

We sit alone with our own crazy minds all day, sometimes the only reprieve is when you let them out with spoken words. 

As always, would love to hear your perspective on this! Send me a DM on IG or email to stacylbrogan@gmail.com.